got soul... & i'm a soldier

is it possible to feel in color?

i will never understand what stops some folks from being with the person that they themselves actually believe they really care about. how can this invisible force/barrier/roadblock/wall/expectation coexist along with an intense love/appreciation/respect/concern/excitement in the same brain of the said adorer?? what makes this person really & truly believe themselves in both senses regarding their adoree?

these things have never coexisted for me regarding an individual person & that's why it's so tough for me to understand. only two things have stopped me from being with somebody:

1. i didn't care for them enough
2. they didn't care enough about me

and i like to complicate things for sure, but this is so simple in my mind. is it the stupid maturity factor that i have been told since i was just 8-years-old that women will ALWAYS posess more of throughout their lifetimes (men admitting more often than not that this is true)? to be fair though, i have met women like this before as well. it is flabbergasting & something i probably will never understand. though thankfully i have finally accepted the existence of this anomaly vs. forever battling it to the bone.

maybe these folks feel in a differnt color/shade/hue. and i don't mean that i feel in black or white instead or that i am less passionate or flexible about things. what i am trying to get at is that perhaps while i too have feelings that i cannot control or escape when it comes to relationships, the creeds i choose to live by & treat people by are seen through a different lens. while some may swim in the rainbow of their own palettes, i think i must be basking in an entirely different realm that involves careful consideration for how i share & blend & touch & evolve on canvas.

please don't try to be sweet if it's cruel. please let me go if i ask. don't swallow me. when i ask you to be careful or back-up, respect that. don't try to save face or continue to let me feed your ego. there will always be insignificants who will gladly oblige. pick one or the other. the strangest of all is having had the final word & yet still having to protect.