soul purge

exercise #125. write about the same topic for five days in a row. what song is in your head now? let it be your muse. already started. weights, blocks, chips off shoulder. this is the last day of our acquaintance, ah, ah, ah. unethical use of my time. getting easier. who's josh really? cigarettes left behind in the shadow & retrieved while reading in the sun. can only imagine how my mom is dressed today - claiming drop of irish blood in german flood. this is the last day of our acquaintance, ah, ah, ah. dressing down as i grow up as i used to dress up when i felt too young. clover green shirts - wondering why i could care less about the kiss? this is the last day of our acquaintance, ah, ah, ah. homemade lasagna & baseball boyfriends. driven orgasms & resignation. using boys & being used back. kite runners in a land i have never cared to learn about before. green river & white wool. plumes of smoke & erupting volcanoes. i cannot pass an article about erupting volcanoes, or even articles that speculate the eruptions. if the earth can birth itself from a molecule in less than a second, how can my god not exist? dreams about old high school friends & old bosses & dreams that never end & the theory zach has about 'trying to work something out subconsciously that you can't work out consciously'. not wanting to try. adopting the tao but wondering how? do i shave again for tonight? just in case. filling my phone with pictures. complaining daddies & complaining mommies. i'm sure i'll be strict in every area except this - i think i could sleep with my baby every night. my mom did & never thought anything of it. i still sleep with her if my dad's not home. and my brothers both did up until high school. need to find me a boy that works nights. i prefer mating at dinnertime anyway. this is the last day of our acquantaince, ah, ah, ah. i might have some swiss in me. cool. how weird though 'cause most would state with 100% accuracy that i pick a side. i might be a libra too. oh wait, i am. so that doesn't make sense at all. oh, oh, oh. wake up happy. like it's christmas everyday. five alarms outlining my dreams. cats hissing & henze restless sleep. i used to wake up in the same position. when i was younger. but the genes had to catch up with me someday. wonder when i'll wake up with screams. scare my kids half to death. oh, oh, oh. work out. write. balance narcissim & peace. balance me & you. craving loud music, rock walls, wood, & dirt & red earth. craving a sandy windstorm & a nap with no blanket. how 'bout a song played naked & a voice that shouts 'til it's hoarse? a washing machine before i'm 30. bigger pots & uncontrollable laughter. a reasonable brother & a happy brother & just my dad & just my mom & a friend in my niece. and bigger boobs. just one size. oh, oh, oh. acquaintance. that word is too informal. i don't have a lot of those. 'cause i want to know you & take care of you & fix you & all that crap. have you ever swung from tree to tree in mexico? 'cause i have. i'll let you watch the video someday. or climbed a cliff in west virginia, taking an hour to do so & coming down with bloodied hands & bruised knees. or jumped off a cliff in nebraska, jamaica, minnesota, wisconsin, michigan. every cliff with water below, anything taller than a tree with water below, i want to run & leap & scream & beat my chest & plunge & resurface & smile & be watched. one of the rare times i'll say 'look at me'. okay, how about bungy swinging in lacrosse? with 8-year-olds. unbelievable. i did it twice. or mountain biking in cleveland. or racoon hiding at devil's lake. or creek crossing. i shaved my legs & pits & bikini line in the mississippi. made love in a field, laughing as the horse nearby began to pee - no lie. and we can't forget about bandit. i hunted crawdads & reenacted 'thunder cats'. i can't stop moving & can't imagine what it would be like. that's why i take the stairs - what if someday i can't walk? ok. i obviously need to stop smoking 'cause i'm such the hypocrite right now. this is dirty but when i think of brad pitt & jennifer aniston i think love & devotion & a happy future. when i think of brad pitt & angelina jolie, i think hot sex. i mean, it's got to be really, really hot. this is the last day of our acquaintance, ah, ah, ah. i will meet you later on in somebody's office. ah, ah, ah. so light already. baseball, sun, lotion, lawn, blankets, laughs, white wine, i'll hold your hand today & tomorrow. grab mine if i let ya. the waves knock ya over & cover you & submerge you & they're not so bad if you ride 'em. oh, oh, oh. oh, oh, oh. i want dwight to work in my office. i don't think i'm done yet.

i have no right to whine.