Looking Back on May from December

Dear Future Me,

Does the hope that my wishes will come true jinx their inevitability? I don't know.

Will Pam have a girl? Yes.

Will I get that offer & keep my package? Yes.

Will I get additional offers & have to make a choice? Yes.

Will I miss it here? No.

Will it always be difficult to capitalize? Yes.

Why do I hate new cars? 'Cause you're cheap & it's a bad investment for you.

Why has my boss been so cool through all of this - what was I missing in the beginning? He was just trying to dick over the company.

Will upper management fuck me over instead now? No.

Will I ever get that grill? Yes.

Will I go to that wedding? No.

Will I ever find that bra again? Yes.

Do I really need a new bed? Yes.

Is debt-freedom attainable? Yes.

Am I growing up & if so, why am I not fighting it anymore? Not worth the energy.

Is it possible that I might finally be sick of crosswords? No.

What will Kentucky be like? Crazy cool.

Will I have trod where he once tread? No.

Will I be cleansed? You already were.

Will it be a better semester than before? No.

Will my skin be much more clear? Yes.

Do I listen & follow that path or my own? You forgot which path you were talking about.

Will I allow that fool to step foot in my house? No.

Will I find that balance? Probably not.

Who will I love? Mr. Hays. Come & gone.

What will I learn? Plenty.

When will I stop trying so hard? Never.

Is Chicago where I'm supposed to be? Yes.

Why don't I do this everyday? You can.

Wouldn't it be so cool if this is what I did for a living, even in a varied capacity? Yes, you write everyday now.

Will I enjoy another concert as much as I enjoyed Alpine? Yes. Lola.

How long would I really have to wait for initiation? Huh?

Has it ever really been that long? Huh?

Why don't I remember to count when the time actually comes? Huh?

Who set the example that keeping score was a healthy protective mechanism anyway? Um, yeah crazy.

What would it be like to be a Nun but not chaste? Impossible.

Would it possibly feel like being a librarian? Super cool.

Did his Dad play catch with him? No.

How would I feel if I felt that? Different.

Can I sob, laugh, climax, shudder, or flip like I used to - now knowing that it will always get better but something else may bring me back? Yes.

Can I release drama or outgrow it yet still miss it? Yes.

Should I continue? Yes, you should.

Loving Me & Knowing It ~ Motha Henz